Thoughts on not having thoughts
I dont quite understand anythinig at the moment. Yet again I feel the pressure to write, and it turns into a performance. "Oh this has to be one right, oh this has to be this way". But I dont like it. I just want to write what I think. Yet I am afraid that if I will be doing the thing I am doing right now it will turn out to be absolutely indigestible.
These moments have something special in them. It is a form of excercise, I feel like I am training to accept situations where I dont sound consistent or clear, where something makes no sense. I am still filtering a lot, but it is a progress nonetheless.
Part of me wants this post to be bad on purpose. Just a reminder that it might not actually be that bad. Someone might see the whole picture while I cant, though temporarily. I believe thats all I can say today, good thing the quota of one sentence is complete.