Thoughts on anger and the "utterly terrible"
I am yet again afraid of writing something utterly terrible. I am not even sure what that means, honestly. Perhaps something of no interest to others. Then a lot of things I write are utterly terrible. And if they are utterly wonderful they subsequently are of no interest to me.
I have felt a lot of anger recently. And it is so unusual, in the sense that I dont really feel it that often. But this time it had just surfaced, one thing triggered all the others I have forgotten. Unlike. fear, which I am already really familiar with, anger is not something you can keep to yourself. Anger requires you to do something. And if you just deny it, like I always did, it doesnt do you any good. Yet I feel more confident already, I believe it is just a question of presence. Just don't deny it, and that's basically it.
I dont know how much of what I am writing right now is filtered, but it definitely doesn't feel easy. I am still trying to write it "the right way". I just... I just want to make it bad. Raw. But honest. This is kinda the point. So far so good. But I dont really have much to say. Good thing I am doing it regularly, I hope with practice I will just give up and write what I like and won't think about anything else. Because I doubt anything bad will happen in this exact case, I am not even sure whether I will publish it in the first place. But I like this paragraph. It is the closest thing to my actual thoughts that I have written so far. Hope the trend will hold.
But who even might be interested in that? I don't know, and I feel like I am asking it in every second post. But that's what really bothers me. It will be less and less of a concern as time goes by, but at this moment it is something I always find important to mention.
Yeah, I guess the only way to like this kind of writing is to roughly understand the context behind it, on its own it has no value. I guess I will stop there, this post needs some processing on my side.